i've stood all these things, but i can't stand losing you
by sitvha
Summary: All Jason wanted was a few minutes with his brother, and when all of that went to shit, so did everything else.


_a/n: im garbage_

* * *

 _You said you'd be alone, but you lied Jason. Now I'll make sure you are._

Jason was driving far too fast to be considered safe, but he didn't care. He needed to see Mike. The minute he read Charles' message he needed to see Mike. Jason knew, he fucking _knew_ what Charles meant in his note, and he had to keep Mike safe because he was the one thing that would make Jason truly alone. And somehow Charles knew that. His father was already taking care of keeping Alison safe just in case, but Jason had a feeling that Charles wasn't after them. Not this time.

Mike wasn't answering his phone. He was usually going for a morning run around this time, but he always had his phone with him. Jason had called Aria before he left his house, asking if Mike was home. When she said that he wasn't, he told her to keep trying to reach Mike and to call him if she found out where he was. It could have been nothing, his phone could have died or it could be on vibrate, but it was much better to make Aria worry than to leave her clueless about her brother's safety.

Jason drove around for hours, going by Mike's usual route over and over again, stopping at The Brew to ask if anyone had seen him, going to the high school and any other places he frequently visited, calling Aria to check if she heard anything. But there was nothing. It was like Mike just disappeared, and Jason was losing his mind. He couldn't lose him... not him...

Jason was sitting in his car, gripping the wheel tight while trying to control his tears. He couldn't cry, because then it would seem like he really did lose him. He didn't know what was going on, and as long as he didn't know, that also meant there was still a chance...

His phone started ringing and his breathing stopped. The number was blocked. He was so scared but he needed to know if they would have their chance or if Charles would take it away. Jason wouldn't let him take it away.

"...Hello?" Jason asked warily a few moments after he answered the call.

He only heard heavy, strained breathing that shook slightly with relief after the caller heard his voice. "Jason?"

And with hearing Mike's voice through the grainy audio of the phone, Jason let his tears fall.

"Oh my god... Mike... Are you ok? Where are you?" The shaking in his voice was so evident but he didn't care. He didn't fucking care because Mike was alive and that was all that mattered.

"Jason..." Mike was crying so hard and he could hear him try to pull himself together and be strong and Jason just wanted to hold him and tell him he didn't have to be, not right now. "He was the one who let me call you. He told me that - " He made a small choking noise, losing all attempts to hold his fear inside before he continued in an even more unsteady voice. "That if you didn't get here in five minutes, he would... he would -"

Mike sounded like he was suffocating and Jason felt like he was too.

"Listen to me, Mike. I'm going to get you ok? I'm going to save you and we're gonna - "

He was cut off by Mike's loud screams and desperate pleas for help.

"Mike? MIKE!"

The line went dead and Jason stared at his phone in horror for a few seconds, throat closing in sheer terror before he received a message.

From: Blocked  
 _You better hurry, your lover boy won't be alive much longer._

A picture of a lit match in a man's hand in front of an abandoned warehouse was attached to the text. Jason recognized the place and he immediately drove as fast as he could to the location, not thinking about the possibilities if he got there too late.

/ / /

When he arrived at the warehouse, he barely put the car in park before he jumped out of it, running towards the inferno in front of him.

He screamed for Mike until he felt like his throat was bleeding, but he didn't hear anything and the fire was too big, flames coming out of every possible opening. There was no way he could enter the building. He was too late... He lost him... Mike was gone and it was entirely his fault.

Jason fell to his knees, slamming his fists in the dirt and screaming harder for Mike, calling his name like it was the only thing that mattered (it was), even though he knew now... he knew and he didn't want to know if it meant this.

He just wanted to see Mike smile again, to smell his skin after a shower, to hear him yell out the answers in Jeopardy while he was making them dinner, to feel his warm chest against his face, to know he was living and breathing the same air as him. That was all he wanted... he wanted Mike to have his own chance. Even if he never wanted to see him again, he just wanted Mike to _live_.

All of a sudden, Jason heard scuffling and he looked up quickly, thinking it was Charles and swearing to kill him right there. But it wasn't Charles.

"Jason... help... me..."

He couldn't breathe. He was looking at Mike's beautiful, _beautiful_ face and he couldn't breathe.

Jason ran as fast as he could to Mike who was crawling on the ground towards him. He gently held Mike's face as he searched for injuries. Besides a few bruises and some ash and dirt, he was fine. His hands were shaking so hard around Mike's face and he probably had other wounds but he was _here_.

"Mike... I was so scared... I was so _fucking_ terrified."

Mike laughed weakly before putting his hand on Jason's. "So was I."

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Mike, I'm so sorry..." He pressed his forehead to Mike's, never closing his eyes in fear that he was just a dream.

/ / /

He kept his hand on Mike's pulse in the hospital, not wanting to only rely on the machines to tell him that he was alive. He wanted to feel it, to feel Mike's life in his hands so he could be sure.

Mike was losing consciousness outside of the warehouse when Jason called for an ambulance. He figured that Charles would have left by now, not wanting to get caught in the literal and metaphorical crossfires. Fucking coward. He picked Mike up and carried him close to the car and away from the flames, noticing the rips in Mike's jeans and the deep stab wounds scattered all over his legs. Blood was pouring out of the wounds extremely fast. He felt a rush of fury before extreme panic that he would lose too much blood before the ambulance arrived, but he made it. He didn't know how Mike had survived, or how he managed to crawl his way to Jason. Mike was his own savior, his strength was the reason he was alive, and Jason would never stop reminding him.

He called Mike's family the moment the nurses told him to stay in the waiting room because he would only get in the way, and while he sat there, he noticed another message he had received.

From: Blocked  
 _You're lucky that your boy is tough. I hope you hold on to that moment of gut-wrenching fear and those many moments of uselessness for the rest of your life. Now you know._

He wanted to murder Charles, destroy him for toying with Mike's life like he was one of his dolls, for not giving a damn about anything but his own desires no matter how much he believed in his justifications.

But then the doctor came in and told him and Mike's family that he was going to be fine and he could think of nothing else; all of the terror he had been feeling since that first message had finally diminished.

Now he was sitting beside a sleeping Mike, holding his hand with his thumb pressed firmly on his pulse. He stared at his face, wanting to permanently etch his eyes and nose and mouth and every other part of him into his own heart and bones and bloodstream. He couldn't believe that he almost lost the one thing that never stopped taking his breath away. He couldn't believe that Mike almost lost his life before he even got to live it. He couldn't believe that he could do _nothing_ to save him...

Jason looked up when he felt the hand he was holding start to twitch.

"Hey."

God, how could one word coming from that voice make everything else go away.

"Hey," Jason responded quietly, trying to mask his slight trembling.

"You should stop thinking about stupid things and come here so I can snuggle the shit out of you."

Jason just smiled at this lovely boy, _his_ lovely boy, who knew him better than anyone else, who was more stunning than anything he'd ever seen because he was smiling and breathing and _alive_.

"You know I won't take that chance for granted."


End file.
